After “I Do”
Almost a week has passed since Valentine's Day and I thought it would be appropriate to discuss the subject. Now, this isn't a discussion on the roots of the holiday nor on if Christians should even celebrate the holiday. Today, this is a discussion on husbands taking the time to love their wives.
Christ said, John 15:13-13 "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." Virtually anyone will tell you this is regarding sacrificing your own life for someone else. While this is true, Christ gives us an additional application as well. This can also be applied in our marriage. Today, divorce rates are the highest they have ever been and are only expected to increase. My question is, how much of this is because this verse from Christ was not followed? As the old saying goes, "It takes two to tango," but today, I am focusing on the husband's responsibility.
We need to recognize that when we get married, it is not game over but rather game updated. We are now living for others not ourselves. Our love needs to reflect the love of Christ. We can do three observable characteristics of Christ as husbands right now to help our marriages and enrich our love with our spouses. All of these are based on observations of Christ.
First, Christ spoke the truth. In each of His interactions with people, He always told them the truth. Too many men today lie to their spouses or mislead them in some superficial way, the root of many arguments are based on poor communication skills. When Jesus talked, He spoke accordingly. Look at His exchange with the teacher in John chapter 3:1-21 and His discussion with the disciples in John 14. Both are truthful, but both articulated in the manner of the situation. Now there might be those who say, "My wife doesn’t want to hear the truth" or "The truth will hurt her feelings," it is better to tell the truth now then later and she realizes you had been lying for days and/or years. This will cause her to wonder what else you might be lying about. Instead, study how Jesus uses tone of voice, choice words, and interacts always from a level of love and see how His actions are what we need to be aiming for.
The second action is found in Jesus interaction with the disciples. He wants to spend time with them, He wants to do things with them.
This might mean we are doing things that we do not want to do. But we do it because we want to be in their life. Genesis 2:24-24 states, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Your life is now her life, and her life is now your life. The faster this happens the richer your life will be. An old mentor once told me that each time a chemical is added to another and synthesized, it becomes something entirely new. This is why I said earlier it is not game over, but rather game update. We are getting an update, better graphics, better plot, better characters, better everything. when two lives are joined together it becomes something greater.
Finally, the biggest action a man can take to love his wife is following Jesus's example of being focused on God. Jesus put His time with the Father first, then others. If we aim to follow the Lord and keep God first, we will naturally love our wives as Christ loves us. This means to be sacrificial in our wants and desires for theirs. This means we re-examine every argument as it starts and identify if it is because it is an "I want this" or "me" centered idea. If so, first apologize to God and then ask for forgiveness from your wife.
These actions will help pursue our wives as commanded in Ephesians 5:25-25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her."
What has been a glaring omission is our wife’s actions towards us. This is on purpose, because we are to love them even if they do not love us; we are to serve them, even if they do not serve us. We are to help them and dote after them, even if they do not with us. We are to be the shining example of Christ they should have in a marriage. When we do this, God has our back and will help us.
I want to give three applicable things you can do right now after Valentine's Day to start this. Don't worry these are cheap and easy to do even if you have kids.
First, go out to the fields or any place with cheap flowers. Get some, then go and write a letter telling them three things that you love about them.
Second, think of a something you can do together, and simply ask if you can plan on doing that and make it happen.
Finally, do the "tell and listen" rule at least twice a day. The rule is simple, tell them "I love you" twice a day and then ask, "How is your day going" or "How was your day?" And then actively listen. You might not understand what she is saying, but it will show that you care and that will speak volumes.
Marriages are constantly under assault and this post has not even looked into the rest of the attacks, but brings to light actions that men need to be taking right now.
Hold until relieved, our Blessed Hope is coming,
JL