Something Unexpected

Dear readers,

There has been a post that has been weighing on my mind for a couple of months now. It is an issue that even though we hear about happening, it never seems to be discussed. You see not long ago my husband and I faced an unexpected issue, we were expecting our second child but when we went in for the ultrasound instead of getting to hear the wondrous sound of the baby’s heartbeat, we were told “I’m sorry but there is no heartbeat”. If any of you reading this has had the unfortunate situation of losing a child, I am sure you can relate to the shock that we faced as we waited for a second opinion desperately praying that it was a mistake, only to be told again that our baby was gone. Statistically, 1 in 8 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage and yet it is something that is not talked about. I am not writing this post in hopes to lift the taboo that seems to have been placed on the subject of miscarriages that is not something that I can fix. What I can do though is write this in hopes that if there is another family out there who is going through this unexpected challenge, to see how we can continue to lean on the Lord through the pain, the feeling of betrayal of our own bodies, and the continued sadness.

Due to Covid and the procedures put in place, my husband was not able to be in the room with me when we found out. This caused us both to have to face our initial thoughts about the situation on our own and it was not until after the appointment when we were sitting in a field that we had the opportunity to discuss what had just happened. We quickly came to the realization that our thoughts had gone down the same path. Both of us were wondering what we did wrong to cause God to do this to us. We both had to examine ourselves to see if there was any undisclosed sin that would cause us to have lost our child, during this examination we both felt God telling us that it was not something that we did to cause us to lose our child. We were reminded of the prayer we had been saying since finding out we were expecting, we prayed that God would take our child home if he would not be healthy or if he would not accept Jesus Christ. We were reminded of 2 Corinthians 5:8, “8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.” There is much in this world that a parent cannot protect a child from, but to be with the Heavenly Father they are safe. It is why our Blessed Hope is found in Jesus Christ. He has conquered this world and everything in it, there is no place that is better than to be with Jesus Christ. “13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.” Mark 10:13-16 God loves all of His creations, and this includes children, it is why we know that we will see our child again one day, our child was in the age of innocence, he had not chosen to turn away from God and for those who pass away in this age of innocence they will be received by God.

How can we be so certain that we will see our child again? The answer to that my husband and I found in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 “13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.” Our child was in the age of innocence, he had not had a chance to turn away from God and because of this we have hope. My husband and I did not mourn as the world would because we have this hope that when we die or when Jesus Christ returns for us we will see our child because my husband and I both believe that Jesus died and rose again. A God who raised His own Son from the dead can surely reunite our family.

The next aspect that both my husband and I found ourselves focusing on is found in 2 Samuel 12:15-23. “Later the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s widow bore to David, so that he was very sick. 16 David therefore pleaded with God for the child; and David fasted and went and lay all night on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him in order to help him up from the ground, but he was unwilling and would not eat food with them. 18 Then it happened on the seventh day that the child died. And David’s servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they said, “Behold, while the child was still alive, we spoke to him and he did not listen to us. How then can we tell him that the child is dead, since he might do himself harm?” 19 But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David perceived that the child was dead; so David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?” And they said, “He is dead.” 20 So David got up from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and when he asked, they served him food, and he ate. 21 Then his servants said to him, “What is this thing that you have done? You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive; but when the child died, you got up and ate food.” 22 And he said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows, the Lord may be gracious to me, and the child may live.’ 23 But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I am going to him, but he will not return to me.” At the time, my husband and I found ourselves unknowingly repeating the footsteps of King David.

King David spent the time that his child was alive to fast and pray that God would spare him. While we were waiting for confirmation that we lost our child, my husband and I individually were praying on our knees that God would spare our child, we did not want to lose our baby much like King David did not want to lose his. When we found out that our child was indeed gone we knew, because we have the Blessed Hope that we needed to get up, brush the dust off much like King David did in verse 20. As much as we were in pain over losing our child, we still had another that we had to care for, one who did not understand what was going on. Nothing could change the fact that our child was gone, this is not saying that we have forgotten about our child. Nothing could be further from the truth, there is hardly a day that goes by that we do not think about what might have been and it is only by remembering the promises that God has made to those who believe in Him that we are able to make it through this situation, but just as King David knew, we know that though our child will not be born on this earth, we will go to him, “I am going to him, but he will not return to me.”

The last aspect that has helped us through this time I found in my personal Bible study two days after we lost our child. “The Lord is good to those who await Him, To the person who seeks Him. 26 It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the Lord. 27 It is good for a man to bear The yoke in his youth. 28 Let him sit alone and keep quiet, Since He has laid it on him. 29 Let him put his mouth in the dust; Perhaps there is hope. 30 Let him give his cheek to the one who is going to strike him; Let him be filled with shame. 31 For the Lord will not reject forever, 32 For if He causes grief, Then He will have compassion In proportion to His abundant mercy. 33 For He does not afflict willingly Or grieve the sons of mankind.” Lamentations 3:25-33. When I read this passage a few things stood out to me. First, “The Lord is good to those who await Him, To the person who seeks Him.” Our God is good to those who wait on Him, this does not mean that we will not face trials but we can rest assured that God is with us through them. Second, “31 For the Lord will not reject forever, 32 For if He causes grief, Then He will have compassion In proportion to His abundant mercy. 33 For He does not afflict willingly Or grieve the sons of mankind.” In this passage we see that if God causes a situation that causes us grief, He will have compassion on us because He will not reject forever. God has shown the capability to bring joy after sorrow many times throughout the Bible. He has done it for the Israelites, for Ruth and Naomi, for Hannah, and for King David.

If you are going through a miscarriage or even just a loss in general, I hope that this has helped. Please remember that for a believer in Jesus Christ, death is not the end. When we pass on we will be given our perfect bodies and forever be in the presence of the Lord and because of the promises found in the Bible, we know that we will see those who have passed on before us again. It is because of these promises that we do not have to mourn as the world does because we have the assured hope that we will see those who have fallen asleep again. Finally, remember that when we are grieving, the Lord will show us compassion because of His mercy.

Seek the truth and encourage one another,

Alex